Step on it!

       ABBC wildlife documentary narrated by the godly voice of David Attenborough is on the television. The camera pans in on a vast savannah, empty but for a small, docile herd of grazing kick scooters.Attenborough describes how tranquil things are until he utters a line that indicates a dramatic change is about to occur in the story.
       "But little do these creatures know of the impending danger."
       The camera cuts to a bicycle approaching in the distance,using the tall, dry grass as cover. After a couple of words from Attenborough to build up tension, followed by some shots of the kick scooters taking notice of the possible threat, a burst of movement from the bicycle initiates a chase scene. Amid the impending mayhem a young kick scooter trips and is caught by the bicycle, its demise seemingly assured.
       "But what's this?" asks Attenborough."It appears that the bicycle has taken an interest in this female kick scooter."
       Three months later the inter-species couple give birth to a hybrid creature that the Dutch would label a "step".
       Sadly, David Attenborough doesn't live in Bangkok and there are no recorded cases of bicycles and kick scooters mating. However, the step is a real transportation device.It's popular in parts of Holland for sight-seeing purposes and has reached Thailand thanks to Dutchman Michael Hoes, a man who bears a striking resemblance to Sir Anthony Hopkins, if only the Welsh knight starred in more Disney movies. Established in 1989, Hoes's company ABC Amazing Bangkok Cyclist is responsible for most of the bicycle tours you see around town.
       To put things simply, the step is part bicycle and part kick scooter. The front wheel is big like a bicycle's while the rear wheel is small. The pedalling mechanism of a bicycle is replaced with a flat board to stand on while one leg kicks the ground to accelerate. A single good kick can propel the rider almost 10 metres and balancing is surprisingly easy since the platform you stand on is only 10 centimetres off the ground.
       Seeing that my wait for Cherry Coke to return to Thailand after disappearing from the market over a decade ago has proven futile, I've lost the will to live. I figured that dying a violent death involving this new mode of transport would at least put me on the front page of one Thai newspaper.
       OK, so maybe I don't want to die but I was willing to go on a stepping tour with Michael.
       me the kind of safety reassurance that emo kids try to avoid. Thoughts on my mind: Is the Bangkok traffic and road quality going to make this dangerous? Where will he take me?8:30am:After some safety coaching ("follow me," and "approach speed bumps from the side,") and a double espresso from Hoes's coffee machine the tour begins. The only other customer on the tour today is Olaf, a holidaying Dutch banker. The rest of the stepping crew consists of Hoes and his cheery Thai staff, comprised today of three women and one man. They are all clad in trademark pink shirts.
       Hoes's customers are usually European visitors who want to see non-touristy sights. However, he does get the occasional adventurous Thai person who is interested in the city where they live.8:45am:At first I feel a bit tense on the step but soon get the hang of it, as does Olaf. There is an initial strain in my thighs and buttocks but after a while I don't feel anything (like prison). It's surprisingly fun to glide around but speed bumps and potholes can lead to disaster for the careless. Although at such low speed you're not going to suffer a serious injury.
       We travel in single file as the guide - Hoes for today takes the lead so that we know where to avoid bumps. It definitely works well on Bangkok streets and the step is surprisingly easy to lift up and down sidewalks.9am:We have made it to a back soi between Sukhumvit Soi 22 and Soi Phai Singto. This seems to be a Chinese neighbourhood that I never knew existed. There are small townhouses lined up all over the place with very narrow streets between them. Somehow, cars are parked in these tight spaces.
       "Where are we?" I ask."And you live in Bangkok?" Hoes replies.I blush in embarrassment, but only for a while since it's hard to stay mad at Disney Hopkins for long.It's interesting that the tour brings surprises even to someone from Bangkok. How often do we venture into random neighbourhoods that we don't have any tangible reason to go to? There's always the fear of getting mugged I suppose but with our guide it just feels like any other tour.
       One point of interest in this area is a shophouse that makes leather shoes. Hoes points it out as he stops to greet the owner, who has obviously met him before.9:15am:We step towards Rama 4 Road. An obese Chinese man who - maybe from a combination of his ethnic heritage and high body mass index - has eyes like Chairman Mao squinting in the sunlight, sits up in surprise."Yo, yo!" he yells.
       A curious man sitting at an amulet store nearby politely asks a question about our steps,with one of the female guides more than happy to oblige with an answer.9:30am:After traversing Rama 4 Road, we cross over a canal via a wooden walkway.There's some old people here partaking in an illegal form of Thai craps with a makeshift playing board fashioned from cardboard. There is a stack of cash on the table. I'm tempted to take the money and step away as fast as I can, but the thought of escaping on a mode of transport with a top speed of around 25 kilometres an hour doesn't seem like a good idea on the mean Klong Toey streets.9:33am:We arrive at the lively Klong Toey market. There is a circus of activity as traders go about their business. They yell out the day's prices as diminutive, muscular men push trolleys to deliver goods to their respective stalls.
       Despite the market having the feel of a rugby field full of ogres waiting to tackle you,the step is surprisingly easy to manoeuvre since there are no seats to climb off like on a bicycle. Spotting us, a trolley pusher armed with an entire farm's worth of herbs grabs Disney by the arm.
       "Looks fun! Please take me with you!" he jokes with a smile so warm it could replace the Hallmark Channel. I cry a little on the inside.
       We spend some time looking at all the crazy sights of the market. Live chickens, frogs and even eels are sold for human consumption here so this would be an epic place to take that hot girl you met from PETA on a date. It's not really the kind of place that most middleclass shoppers would ever go to really, since the invention of air-conditioned supermarkets.
       Most of the market people stare at us but being so busy they just go back to their business. The aroma of chicken poo from the poultry zone is exceptionally phenomenal but despite the smell the market is always an awesome stop.10am:We arrive at Benjakiti Park where we take a break under a tree to eat fruit. We take some photos, making silly poses with the lake and Sukhumvit skyscrapers as a backdrop. The tour stops anytime you feel that you just have to take another cool snap for your Facebook account.10:45am:We head back to HQ. Being kind and considerate, Olaf turns back to see how the other steppers behind him are doing only to trip over a pothole on the Sukhumvit sidewalk near Soi 22. His only injury though is a very mild scrape on one of his knuckles.11am:We're back at ABC drinking another coffee and laughing away about an eventful morning. From a tourist's point of view you really do get to see some unique little alleyways and areas that wouldn't usually be included in a typical Bangkok tourism brochure.
       As a Bangkokian, the stepping tour really allowed me to see a whole different side of this humongous city that didn't involve a mall or a nightclub. I also got some exercise and sunshine in the process.
       Overall, it was seriously fun to be able to glide through the city with the ABC crew.Crossing roads under the direction of these guys felt safe. By staying off the main roads for the majority of the trip we rarely had to deal with pollution or the possibility of becoming some flashy looking road kill. And with the route being individually tailored to each tour group you are almost guaranteed never to travel the same way twice.G
       Contact Tours begin at 8:30am,9:30am, and 10:30am daily, ABC Amazing Bangkok Cyclist, Sukhumvit Soi 26.C02-665-6364 or 081-812-9641,www.steppinginbangkok.com.PB1,200 for a three-hour trip and B1,500 for four-hour trip which includes lunch with a crash course in street food.